Turkey Talk: Navigating Family Conversations About Estate Planning

I am of the opinion that Thanksgiving day can be divided into multiple parts.  First part – you arrive about an hour before the meal.   You told yourself during the car ride that saving your appetite for the main meal was a priority, but hunger is starting to creep in and the chips and onion dip are calling your name.”  Second part- find your seat at the table and scope out the food situation (are we passing dishes around or is this a classic kitchen buffet style grab-and-sit?).  Part three is where things get interesting.  The meal is over.  Coffee and ice cream cake may be served in 15 minutes or 2 hours – you have no idea.  The Cowboys just fumbled the game away and you are happy, but being a long -suffering Giants fan it is still hard to summon the right kind of schadenfreude.   A voice cuts through the din, “You know who asked me for money?”

 Oh boy.  If the answer is some relative I have never heard of, then I will turn my attention back to the dining room table, anticipating the appearance of coffee mugs and a carafe.  If the answer is a relative known to all…..then I say…….shame on everyone for gossiping!  What kind of people are you!  Pettiness is unbecoming.  All the while hoping against hope that the referenced relative has miraculously lost my cell phone number.  

While a good yarn about a freeloading cousin never ceased to entertain, tip-toeing around estate planning topics was fairly common during the pre-covid years.  It was considered crass to talk about such things at a holiday table.  A world-wide pandemic coupled with an increasingly unhealthy population has sounded the alarm on planning.  Every generation before us that shared a holiday meal experienced difficulties and loss.  It is the complexity of modern life – adult children requiring greater financial help, asset and retirement account management, insurance issues, a bewildering healthcare system and property taxes which call out for expertise.  Are we blunter than we were before?  Probably.  Keeping silent instead of digging into our problems is a recipe for disaster.  So, we talk more and talk seriously.  Now, words like “Irrevocable Trusts,” and “Power of Attorney,” are blurted out during Thanksgiving so often you would think they were side dishes.   

We have to stop fooling around.  Planning mistakes do not just lead to hundreds or thousands of dollars in losses.  Planning mistakes can lead to hundreds of thousands of dollars in losses.  Long term care costs have skyrocketed and so have housing prices.  Proper planning protects assets and maintains Medicaid eligibility for long term care.  Thanksgiving is a perfect time to talk to your favorite people. They are all there.  Proper planning involves your closest people.  These folks will be your Executors, Trustees, Agents under a Power of Attorney and Health Care Proxy.

 If you are trying to convince a family member sitting next to you to get moving with their planning, you may hear these phrases:   “We’ll see.”  Yeah, that’s a no.  “I’ll try.  Also no.  “I’ll think about it” Um…no.  Don’t take these “no” substitutes for an answer.  Turkey is important and so is estate planning.  Eat one and do the other. Contact the professionals at The Feller Group, P.C. today to find out more about Estate Planning.